More Mass Effect Limericks
by wentletrap
Summary: Limericks from ME3 and ME2


_Here are some more Mass Effect Limericks - mostly from ME3, with a few leftovers from ME2. _

_Some have been posted elsewhere to other forums previously. _

_Sorry for the bad formatting - I blame ff dot net! _

* * *

**The Ballad of Garrus and Tali**

* * *

Tali'Zorah was lonely and needy,

so to Garrus she made an entreaty:

"I've tried Turian brandy

and chocolate candy,

but now I want something more meaty."

* * *

Upon hearing the Quarian's flattery,

Garrus realized his need for camaraderie.

In an effort to charm her,

he took off his armor,

revealing his large Forward Battery.

* * *

Said Garrus, "It's quite understandable

if you'd rather start up on my mandible –

But if you're up to the task,

and it fits through your mask,

here's something a bit more … expandable."

* * *

Tali Zorah enjoyed the seduction,

and prepared for emergency induction.

Already ecstatic,

she fondled his Mattock

and began to apply gentle suction.

* * *

Now addicted to Turian pricks,

Tali'Zorah still needed her fix.

Dropping her drawers,

she got on all fours

as Garrus exclaimed, "On your six!"

* * *

When she walked in on this situation,

Shepard threw up her hands in frustration.

"Wow, Garrus, that's great –

guess my questions can wait

'til you're finished with your Tali-brations…"

* * *

**Mass Effect 3**

* * *

Said Joker, "A girlfriend is nice,

but when one simply does not suffice,

I make EDI deploy

her combat decoy

so that I can make love to her twice."

* * *

Jane Shepard sure has a weird stance.

She runs like she's crapped in her pants.

Every time that I play,

I could watch those cheeks sway

'til it makes me fall into a trance.

* * *

I collected each Asset of War,

and maxed out my Paragon score.

Every choice that I made

was then richly repaid

when my ending had one color more.

* * *

Multiplayer is not very fun.

There's simply not much to be done.

You simply run laps

over all the same maps,

and hope to unlock the next gun.

* * *

Samantha came by to play chess.

Our night started out a success –

but then it got sour

when we took a shower,

and somehow forgot to undress.

* * *

I'm suspicious of Bioware's goal

in mandating Origin's role.

Dunno why they expect

us to log and connect

every time we- _**ASSUMING CONTROL**_

* * *

Commander… farewell, and so long.

It's time now to sing my last song.

I need to ensure

that we pull off this cure –

someone else might have gotten it wrong.

* * *

Poor Zaeed. I watched while you bled.

Just one cutscene, and then you were dead.

But at least from the grave

you won't see who we gave

your old room on the ship to instead.

* * *

Diana Allers seems so out of place,

like she's dressed for a track and field race.

And Jessica Chobot

reads her lines like a robot –

why'd they waste all that time on her _face_?

* * *

Dear Bio: you must make amends

for the terrible way this game ends.

And please give Tali's look

the same care you took

with that random chick from IGN's.

* * *

_Choose from FOUR different endings …_

Well Bioware, there's no defending

your lackluster Mass Effect ending.

With Shepard's crew jungled,

the climax is bungled:

_1) Let's hope there's a do-over pending._

_2) Good luck with the DLC-vending._

_3) Enjoy all the mail we'll be sending._

_4) No more on your games I'll be spending._

* * *

**Mass Effect Two Leftovers**

* * *

I wonder what Quarians do

when it comes time to visit the loo.

Number One, I suppose

could be done through a hose –

but as for Two, I have no clue.

* * *

Among open stars I will ride

while drifting along the light's tide,

through each dusty shoal

'til I reach my goal –

The Migrant Fleet where we reside.

* * *

Amonkira , here's what I need:

a quickening of my foot speed;

a steadier hand;

a truer aim; and

forgiveness, if I don't succeed.

* * *

I met a gal who was nocturnal,

and solved all her problems maternal.

She offered romance,

so I took a chance –

but alas, her embrace was eternal…

* * *

I know of a Quarian machinist

whose longing for Shep was the keenest.

But her poor immune system

went nuts once she kissed him –

so these days, her suit ain't the cleanest.

* * *

Using Mass Effect terms for hilarity,

I'll describe my love life with sincerity:

Most girls, to maintain,

are an Energy Drain,

so I've come to prefer Singularity.


End file.
